Carnival Games Stomps Borderlands in Sales. This Strikes Me As An Injustice.

Hey you, Carnival Games. We see you over there, with your kind. What do you mean, “your kind?” What do you mean, “What do you mean, ‘your kind?’” I’m talking about shovelware. The cheap stuff. The chaff. You’re it, and you know it. But there you go, selling 5 million copies worldwide. It wasn’t enough to come out for the Wii, with your half-hearted attempts at motion control, with your reliance on the on the infrared pointer where a cleverer game might’ve done something unique with that revolutionary controller. No, you had to spread your seed to the Nintendo DS, flying even faster off store shelves to the dismay of little kids and baby boomers who suffered a temporary lapse in judgement, failing to realize that the very essence of carnival games is that they are a scam.

Enough of you. We’ve seen the reviews. You stink. And you’re making another Take-Two game, Borderlands, look bad, with its measly 2 million copies sold. Strong sales by any measure. In fact, it’s so good that Take Two wants to keep publishing more Borderlands games. And that’s good, because the first game had lots of potential but needs a little work. But you, Carnival Games, you sold 5 million copies, which probably means we’ll be seeing more of you, too. And unlike Borderlands, you have no potential. You’re shovelware, and that’s all you’ll ever be. May the Lord have mercy upon your soul.