It’s still pretty early on April 1 here in Los Angeles, but not too early for video game-related April Fool’s jokes. All I had to do was scroll down Google Reader to compile a long list of fake games and gaming accessories. Here are seven of my favorites:
Gran Turista 5
This super-realistic racer took 28 years to develop, after it was announced for ColecoVision in 1982, and is finally available, unlike another highly-anticipated racing game. Says French gaming Web site Gamopat, Gran Turista 5 sports some killer collision detection, and it’s so addictive you’ll forget to pee. Unfortunately you’ll have to wait a while longer (read: forever) for the English version.
Duke Nukem Forever Demo
Duke Nukem Forever’s standing as a legendary example of vaporware is untarnished, but at least 3D Realms is willing to give us a taste this April Fool’s day. That’s the story at FilePlanet, which unceremoniously posted a DNF demo on its homepage. Click on the download button, however, and the new file name reveals the bitter truth.
iPad Arcade Cabinet
File the iCade under “would buy if it was real.” This fancy iPad dock from ThinkGeek holds hundreds of classic arcade games, letting you play them through the iPad’s magical 9.7-inch screen. How soon we’d forget that the iPad doesn’t have a camera, Flash or USB ports.
Ecco: Water Wars 2
Yeah, the original Ecco the Dolphin for Sega Genesis is too tame for a modern upgrade. Unless Sega rigs Ecco and his dolphin pals with machine guns and frag grenades, as the publisher announced for Ecco: Water Wars 2. Time to dig up my copy of Ecco: Water Wars 1, wherever that is. Best comment goes to Reddit user ActLikeYourGrandma: “Fuck you, SEGA, that’s not funny. Make this game for real, please.”
Dudebro II Controller
There may not yet be any screenshots of Dudebro — My Shit Is Fucked Up So I Got to Shoot/Slice You II: It’s Straight-Up Dawg Time, but apparently the team at Grimoire Assembly Forge has been working on a peripheral that will launch with the game. Finally, a new genre for Activision to exploit.
World of Warcraft’s EPEEN
Finally, a way to measure the worth of everything you own in the world — of Warcraft. The Equipment Potency and EquivalencE Number factors all the gear you currently possess into a meter that’s visible to all other players. Players are then segregated into tiers based on their EPEEN. “To ensure players with a smaller number will not be shafted by this new system, we plan to introduce a wide variety of new solo content for less well-equipped players,” Blizzard writes. I see what you did there.
This one’s a little cheesy, but who wouldn’t want to play a game of Bejeweled in which the usual gemstones are swapped with celebrity headshots? All of them have gem-themed names — Niel Diamond, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Jasper Johns and so on — which is probably why you don’t recognize most of the faces. Popcap will sell the game for $2,000, but it does include a limited edition retail box made from cubic zirconia.